Uncertainty....

Lately, I am feeling a bit happy, because certain things are going my way. But somehow, I get this feeling deep in my gut, that this will just be temporal... That this will just pass and fade somehow... I have always believed that happiness is such an elusive emotion and that no matter how hard you try to find it, the best things in life are just so hard to find.... I do not know. I may be wrong but somehow, I know that things happen for a reason, even if we can never even comprehend that reason. Maybe we just need to accept that or rather maybe I just need to accept that.

I have always looked at life with a dark point of view. I've learned to be strong because of the pain I have felt. Because of it, I learned to endure and stand tall amidst the chaos this world has brought upon us and this is all because of humanly actions and words that are almost all of the time causing suffering and grief to mankind itself. I do not know. Maybe I am wrong but I know this because I am human myself.

But now, I seem to be seeing the light, like I am basking in the serene pale moonlight, living in a trance that I know may not last. I am uncertain, I always am but somehow the reasons that I could not comprehend are the very things that drive me into believing something that I never thought that I would believe in.. and that is the beauty of life. I do not know. Maybe I am wrong but I guess not knowing is better that knowing everything but never really understanding them.

I am uncertain. I am certain that I am uncertain at least at this moment I am.... I am uncertain whether I really believe these things, whether life really is beautiful. Maybe life is beautiful because of the different colors that pain has painted on its portrait or maybe it is beautiful because simply it is life... I do not know. I maybe wrong but I know that I am happy at this moment... I am certain that I am happy for whatever reasons that i may never understand. I hope this happiness will linger in my doorsteps even for just a fleeting moment. I hope it would stay with me, just enough for me to make it part of my memories, part of this life, part of my lonely life... or maybe even part of me.

I do not know... I am uncertain... I am.