Remembering an Old Friend

"When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done, help me leave behind some, reasons to be missed. Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memories and leave out all the rest."
Leave out all the Rest - by LinkinPark

It has been four years since you have crossed on the other side. It’s been that long and I can’t still forget you. Even if a lot of days had passed by, even though that eveything has changed so much, even if I have changed a lot, you still remain to be the same... Within my memories, within my dreams, within my heart. It's been so long, and all I could do is offer you flowers and pour a can of beer over the cold gravestone marker that has served as a reminder to all of us that you left us, that for once in the past, you were here, alive and breathing and touching peoples' lives... Yes, it's been so long and still I don't know why you've made your choice, why you made that choice, four years ago...


I hope that you are in a better place. I hope you are always happy. I hope I could see you again, as I watch and stare at the stars at this cold night... I hope you are watching over me, over your family, over your friends and over all those whom you made to realize that we are worth something...even if that worth is close to nothing and emptiness...


It's been so long but I can still remember, how you've told me that you were safe with me. I still remember how you've trusted me, even with your secrets and your pain, even with your dreams and glee...I still remember. I hope you still remember how you made our insignificant lives, a bit bearable...


It has been four long years and yet it seems that you just left yesterday... I still don't know why you've made that choice four years ago... but I do know that what really matters is the memories that you've left.. I will forget all the wrong that you've done and I help you find the reasons that will remind us that you have been missed...dearly. I will not resent you, and whenever I feel empty, I will remember you, even if I have to leave out all the rest.

Yes, I still remember, I will always remember you.


Happy birthday to you, my dear old friend...
Born: May 27, 1985
Died: Sept. 08, 2005

With or Without Me

Sometime in the past, I've written a song that I would like to share with all of you. I've made this song together with my buddies and this song brings back a lot of memories, happy ones and sad ones... but nonetheless memories that will forever be engraved in my heart.

"With or Without Me"

It started as a dream
The day I met you here, right here
I never even thought
That you would share what's in your heart

But as time passed away
And things changed way to fast
You started to be cold
Because of reasons that are never told

There are things I clearly see
That you are special to me

*You will always be right here
'Til time will end
And in my heart you'll always be free
With or without me...

I never did understand
The reasons that you had
And I just can't see
Why you do these things to me

So I started to fall down
On this un-wandered, un-wandered road

There are things I clearly feel
That you are special to me

*You will always be right here
'Til time will end
And in my heart you'll always be free
With or without me...

With or without me.

Clocks and Apologies

I am sorry if it seems that I am only wasting your time. I am sorry if it seems that I am only making you wait for so long. I am sorry for not having the means to cut off the distance between us. I am sorry for being only human, limited and weak....

I am sorry if I could not stop time. I am sorry if I could not travel between spaces afar. If only I had wings that could make me fly, then at this very moment I would be there, right at your side.

If it seems all this is too much for you now... If waiting for so long makes your heart bleed and your mind question... If you have grown tired of my limitations and my promising words, then if it makes you happy, I will let you go so that you would truly become happy.

If ever that you think that I only utter words that seem to be empty promises... If ever that you think that I am doing nothing to make things better... If ever you that you think that I feel no pain when this distance separates us, then I am sorry that all the clocks cannot help me to make you see that I am suffering too.

I am sorry if I've made you feel that I am wasting your time. I am sorry if I've ever made you wait for so long. I am sorry if I've done nothing to cut this distance between us. If it makes you happy, then I am willing to let you go...

I will not make you wait forever.
I will never do things that will break your heart.
I will never stand in your way to what ever will make you happy.
I will always be here even if you no longer need me.

Distance matters... it really does.

I never really believed that having a long distance relationship is that hard. I always thought that your love for that person is enough, even though distance separates you from each other. I always thought that distance is not an issue in having a relationship and more importantly keeping it alive... but I guess I was wrong... I should have known better.


Though love, by itself, should be enough or should I say, the very reason to have and keep a relationship going, but in a relationship where distance separates the two people involved comes into the picture, things are not that simple anymore. Love is no longer sufficient by itself to maintain the relationship and sad to say, it should have been enough but I guess, it isn't...at least that's what I think and is experiencing...



Trust, should also come into play hand in hand with honesty. Patience also plays a vital role. Understanding pretty much has an important part in the life of a long distance relationship. And having the "time" to spend quality moments with your loved one, despite the distance should also be part of the story... especially time... one should make time for your loved one...I should make time for my loved one...



But then again, here comes doubt to stir things up. And to make things worse, temptation also is a major threat, and this applies to both sides and not only to one. Fear is also present in the picture, and it grows more and more especially when doubt turns into certain uncertainty and finally into the loss of trust or more clearly, the absence of it.



Despite theis chaos and the struggles that make it so hard to maintain such type of a relationship, I have tried my best to make time, to give trust and to be honest in return, to be patient and to be free from all the doubts that the distance in between has created... Yes, there had been temptations, I have felt fear, doubt has knocked at my door and I have felt certain uncertainty, but still I believe that there is hope, that things will be better, despite not seeing your loved one in a regular basis. I still cling to such concept, that hope will make things better... I hope that it will.



Long distance relationships are very exhausting to maintain. Both sides feel the strain, the pain and the agony of waiting. Both sides feel the uncertainty, the fears and the distractions... Yes, both sides are having a hard time and not just to only one. But I guess, I just need to believe more, to trust more, and to hope harder, that I will do the right choices, and I will be in the right path until the day that we will be together... and I pray that you will also do your part... because on this road, both sides need to act as one. Both sides need to be united and both sides need to understand that all the things we meet on this road affects both, and not only one.



I never really believed that having a long distance relationship is that hard. I always thought that your love for that person is enough... but I guess I was wrong... Now I know better. I hope you know better too....

Uncertainty....

Lately, I am feeling a bit happy, because certain things are going my way. But somehow, I get this feeling deep in my gut, that this will just be temporal... That this will just pass and fade somehow... I have always believed that happiness is such an elusive emotion and that no matter how hard you try to find it, the best things in life are just so hard to find.... I do not know. I may be wrong but somehow, I know that things happen for a reason, even if we can never even comprehend that reason. Maybe we just need to accept that or rather maybe I just need to accept that.

I have always looked at life with a dark point of view. I've learned to be strong because of the pain I have felt. Because of it, I learned to endure and stand tall amidst the chaos this world has brought upon us and this is all because of humanly actions and words that are almost all of the time causing suffering and grief to mankind itself. I do not know. Maybe I am wrong but I know this because I am human myself.

But now, I seem to be seeing the light, like I am basking in the serene pale moonlight, living in a trance that I know may not last. I am uncertain, I always am but somehow the reasons that I could not comprehend are the very things that drive me into believing something that I never thought that I would believe in.. and that is the beauty of life. I do not know. Maybe I am wrong but I guess not knowing is better that knowing everything but never really understanding them.

I am uncertain. I am certain that I am uncertain at least at this moment I am.... I am uncertain whether I really believe these things, whether life really is beautiful. Maybe life is beautiful because of the different colors that pain has painted on its portrait or maybe it is beautiful because simply it is life... I do not know. I maybe wrong but I know that I am happy at this moment... I am certain that I am happy for whatever reasons that i may never understand. I hope this happiness will linger in my doorsteps even for just a fleeting moment. I hope it would stay with me, just enough for me to make it part of my memories, part of this life, part of my lonely life... or maybe even part of me.

I do not know... I am uncertain... I am.

Pitch Black

The winter breeze blows unearthly
Caressing the shadows of what had been
Within this darkness that has befallen me
I learn to live what others never did

And so the blue sky turns to grey
And tears of angels start to fall
Dancing with the cold wind that has befallen me Within this darkness I sing my melody

The flowers on the ground has become frozen
As I walked onto this oblivious road
A path that leads to nowhere but to the end
Of every tear and dream that had been shed

These pale white drops of snow of unexpressed thoughts
Had lingered within my numb palms
As I clenched my fist to free myself from grief
I end up within this darkness where everything is bleak

I am trapped from my humanity
So tired of feeling everything else that never mattered
So tired of pleasing others for their content
So tired of understanding them when they never did understand me

The winter breeze blows unearthly unto my hair
Caressing my bleeding palms and my memories
Within this pitch black darkness that I have embraced
I know myself even if nobody even cared.

Please do not Read this

It has been so long since I've indulged myself into writing... staring at a blank piece of paper until crimson drops of blood blot out the empty paper. I have forgotten what it feels like to let one's mind wander, set out with the winds of imagination and let my thoughts and emotions be the guide to this old piece of pen and a worn out, slightly crumpled paper. It has been so long since I have expressed myself into writing... or is it just because I have lost my touch? Is it just because there is nothing more inside of me that believes that anyone would bother reading these lifeless letters that form into senseless words and empty sentences?... or maybe, that no one would understand what my shaking hands are trying to come up with these fragile thoughts that seem seamless and unending? I have no idea... I'm not really sure if I care but one thing is for sure.. I still want to write and express my self, even though how bleak it may be; even though that it may not appeal to anyone except myself...

It has been a long while since I have created a song with my old acoustic guitar. Writing lines of poetry, like grasping sand into my palms and let it slip through with the wind, my hand being incapable of capturing the beats of my heart, the rhythm of my mind and the angst of my sorrow. It's been awhile and it seems that it is nothing more but a fleeting moment. A fleeting moment that even I cannot remember nor reminisce and savor. I'm not sure, but what's certain is that I miss that certain fleeting moment.

It has been so long since I have told myself to actually listen to my own self. Even if it takes every ounce of my sanity to just take a pause and understand this sorrow, this confusion, this demise. Yes, it has been a while, but these things make me certain that I am alive. These things remind me that I am here, though not beneath the warmth of the sun's rays, but amidst the dancing raindrops that whisper to me their sad stories.... I am here. I am waiting here. I am waiting here under this rain of sorrow and dark hours of contempt and silence. I am here waiting to be numb and become beyond human, and let go of all of these feelings that haunt me and all of those feelings that I have never experienced before...

I am tired. I am still here. I am alive and I will continue to live for whatever reason that I may come to know and learn of. I will be here, even if no one will see me from this darkness I have enveloped myself. I will be here, waiting for someone who like me, is also lost within the darkness... maybe i will find that someone, or maybe that someone will find me...

It has been so long since I have written words... and now, even if no one will understand what i have written, what matters is that, I have expressed myself and hope that someday, someone will understand what picture these words have painted... It has been so long, but I am still here, waiting...

"Understood"

An ode to those who faded away:

I never did say that you needed to know
How to make things clear when i said no more
'Cause this is goodbye and I thank you for all
That you taught me to see

But you never had to be the same as me
You have to live the life that you seek
Don't worry 'bout me, I will make this through
We'll see each other when my life is through

*This is the end of my story with you
I hope that you've learned something new
I'm sorry for the pain that I've caused you
But I know, that you've always understood...

You always did say that I needed to grow
And how to make things clear when the darkness shows
'Cause this is my life and you want me to see
The light of which you speak

But you never have to be the same as me
You have to live the life of your dreams
Don't worry 'bout me, I will make this through
We'll see each other when my time is due

*This is the end of my story with you
I hope that you've learned something new
I'm sorry for the pain that I've caused you
But I know, that you've always understood...

I've always understood.

[--There is Death in Poetry--]

If I were to die today
Then I would light my last cigarette
And think of all my dreams turn to smoke
Like the cigarette slowly burning out with my hopes

If I were to die today
Then I would fill this glass with sweet vodka
This would be then my one last drink
I hope the taste would linger in my lips

If I were to die today
I would strum my old acoustic guitar
And play one last song in my heart
Even if no one would be there to listen as I fall apart

If I were to die today
Then I hope I would always have this silence
Given by those people who had forgotten my existence
Given by those whom I've always loved and cared about

If I could die today
Then I hope I would never see your faces
For it would remind me of hell
It would remind me of my hate to myself

And if I would die today
Then I hope you will all forget
All my mistakes and all my regrets
Forget all that I was and all that is left
Of me Of these fragile memories
Of this ending Of this eternal sleep...

My Silent thoughts...

Hear me with my silent thoughts
As i raise my hands unto the sky
And hope the rain will pour down on me
To quench this suffering that has befallen me


My heart has fallen into the deep depths
Of selfless gestures that bring me into turmoil
My ears hear nothing but their pleas
That deafen and put to silence even my own pain


My fragile hands reach out to feel their pain
So that somehow they may feel comfort
Even though my hands are bleeding crimson red
I will choose to heal, even at my own expense


My mind is lost within the shadows of others
Trapped in the thought of wanting to save them
Maybe I need to save all those who suffer
In order to save my own self from this demise


Hear me with my silent thoughts
As I desperately raise my hands unto to sky
To hope that someone would come and save me
And mend my broken wings that for so long have forsaken me...

Just a Moment with You

Just one fleeting moment when I saw the light
Overflowing from the shimmer of your cerulean eyes
Just one sweet moment when I laid my eyes on you
One precious moment that forever will be in within my heart…

All that I was has changed so much completely
Like a wild rose that has been touched by your gentle hands
One touch from your fingertips, I bloom and grow gracefully
Now that I have found you, you alone made my life complete
Zealous, I humbly kneel down before you and I realized
One moment with you has made me love you for eternity….

By: Alex Cenita
This poem is for the one who has captured my heart and who has freed mo from the darkness...

Between Angels and Demons

On a time long forgotten, in a land where heaven and hell seems to meet, two mystical beings were fated to meet. One bears the mark of light and the other wears the shadows of darkness. On a night when the moon sits calmly in the placid sky, underneath the nostalgic meadows of lilacs and poison ivies, laid to rest a weary demon, with pitch black unearthly feathered wings and melancholic eyes that tell a thousand sorrowful mysteries. He sat down underneath a withering oak tree that seems to contradict all the beauty that unfolded before him. The demon was in deep thought, wondering whether for all eternity he will wield this darkness and forever be dwelling within the shadows. He was in a trance, reflecting on such thoughts.

Then suddenly, the winds blew calmly on his face. Before him, a magnificent mighty angel descended down into the vast and foreboding meadows. The angel was bathed in ethereal pure light that seemed to dance harmoniously with his heavenly white wings. The demon stood up and watched as the angel caressed the blooms that seemed to welcome the angel upon his arrival. It did not take long and the angel noticed the weary demon. The angel’s eyes were fierce like fire but they were gentle and comforting. The angel walked towards the demon, and the demon just stood still before this celestial being.

“Have you come here to hunt and vanquish me my dear angel?” the demon asked. “I am not in the mood to indulge myself in the epic battle between good and evil. Please let me be and let me enjoy this melancholy.” The demon spoke these words without hesitation. The angel simply smiled and said “No, I did not come here to do such a thing. I came here to rest, just like you.”

The demon looked away and stared into the bright pale moon. “If only we could exist like this. If only we could live in peace and forsake this war between us, then I would want that.” The demon shared this thought to the angel, with his voice steadfast and hoping. “Yes, I could not have imagined that I would converse with such a being such as your self. This is truly an unexpected meeting.” the angle replied. “It truly surprises me that a demon would speak of peace and more unnaturally, to want it.” The angel uttered. He looked directly at the demon as if awaiting for a retaliation of some sort. “Is it not natural for me to believe in such a thing? Is it not natural that a demon such as myself would think and speak of peace?” the demon responded hastily. “Have you not grown weary and tired of this senseless war between us?” the demon asked fervently.

After a moment, the angel has lost his smile. “Alas, but beings like us were created for such a reason. We, angels, are bound to be your opposites. We are destined to be enemies.” the angel replied. “Demons like you, who always bring evil to mortals, should be destroyed and sealed away. That is what is natural.” the angel proclaimed. “Then is it not ironic, that a demon like me, wishes of peace and an end to this rubbish war and an angel like you, speaks of destruction and the end of our kind? It seems that the only thing unnatural here is to hear a mighty angel such as yourself, speaking and wishing to destroy rather than to protect.” the demon said with dignity. “I do not have ears to what you have to say. You know well deep inside you that we cannot escape the purpose that we were created. We exist to represent good and evil and that is absolute.” After the angel has said these words, he stared at the demon with piercing eyes.

“Yes, beings like us were created with no freedom to choose, but still I am tired of such nonsense.” the demon spoke. “We are not the ones who do the evil deeds. It is the mortals who choose to do it. If you say that it is my destiny to influence men to do evil and that is the only purpose that I was created for, then why do you protest against me for wanting to change?” the demon asked. “Because it is not natural? But would it be better and convenient if we can change, despite being imprisoned and chained to what is supposed to be natural?” Again, the demon asked these questions firmly, clearly awaiting a response from the angel. “Demons like you, will never change. You can never want peace. You can never want what is good. You can never be like us. You can never be what we are because you are nothing like us.” the angel responded.

The demon just laughed calmly at what the angel has told him. “Then have you forgotten that we were once like you? We were the angles who stood up to choose for what we believed in. We are the ones who wanted change itself.” the demon said. “And because of that, we were punished and forever be destined to represent something that we never asked for.”

The angel said nothing. For a long moment of silence, the two beings stood still and unmoving. Finally the angel spoke. “Perhaps you are right, that you were once like us, but this is our destiny. We cannot escape what we are and more importantly who we are. We are the light, and you are the darkness. That is the whole truth and there is nothing that you or I can or any being except God that can change that.” the angel said with conviction. The demon looked at his palms, as if trying to break the invisible chains that destiny has wrapped around his hands. “You know fairly well that nothing will remain the same in this world; that everything will change. We are mere imperfect beings and we are not excused to change itself.” the demon replied softly.

The angel looked serenely at the demon. “You may be right but I no longer want to have this conversation with you. My time of rest has ended. I am needed elsewhere.” the angel responded. “Then this is goodbye then. I hope that we would meet again someday, not as destined enemies but as equal comrades.” the demon said. “I doubt that we will meet again. I doubt that such unexpected meeting such as ours will ever be happen.” the angel replied. “Goodbye and I hope never to see you again.” The angel spoke these words with gentleness.

Both beings turned and walked away from each other. They slowly spread their mystical wings, one bears the shadows of the light and the other wears the mark of darkness. They both ascended into the skies, basking into the moonlight and they flew away in opposite directions, disappearing into the eternal horizons.

The meadows were left silent and peaceful. The oak tree seemed to have slowly grown to life and the lilacs and poison ivies seemed to wither. On a time long forgotten, on a night when the moon sat sadly in the placid pale sky, these two beings met and they will never meet again.

By: [-darkice024-]